Sunday, 14 October 2012

68.4 kgs

No more Tv. And no more food. Will these things help?

How disagreeable this will be to the world! The two things that bring us together most! Grilled cheese and XFactor. Chocolate Pudding and Homeland. What a noble people we are!

I hate how I fluctuate. There is no guilt like that of the sick, who must constantly check themselves.

God all of the work I put in. All of the mental energy to puch myself, all of the times I believed it would pay of, it would be worth it. To think it was all lies!  how quickly now has come, did I already know it was a lie?

My dad said what I knew he would say.

What am I to do now? It makes no sense that I have no time and then have so much time what am  I to do with this time! do i try and retrieve everything?

I instinctually try and occupy myself with what needs to be done, but does it STILL need to be done?

OOHHH but now I feel so hungry. and I can not present myself to my father! he would be so confused. 'What is wrong' he would say

if only i could start again, I could plan.

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